Love for the BPD
May 6, 2022|#bpd, Love
When you have BPD, love is complicated. I have learned that many people enjoy my intensity in a relationship, as I am fully attentive to those I am with. We have hard times connecting with others, so when we date it gives us a chance to feel normal. However, there are issues.
Some of the issues are that we want to have the person obsessed with us, and want to get married. Other issues include the those of us who do not want the marriage. We also enjoy our freedom and being alone. Marriage can be hard for us.
It is imperative that you have a partner that understands BPD, because it gives them the best communication tools to understand you and not always feel hurt, offended, ignored, or unwanted.
I happened to pick the religious guy that wants marriage. After 2.5 years he decides that it must end because of the refusal of marriage. I find it archaic and not something that appeals to me at this point in life. I want the companionship, dinners, trips, monogamy, and intimacy but not the living together or marriage. I have been married and once the title moves from girlfriend to wife, the dynamic changes.
In this case, he is older and a bit controlling. I have no interest in putting myself through that misery full time. There are already enough self esteem issues on my side.
This past week, I went on my evening job and asked him to ride along. We are in a neighboring town where I see a thrift store. I mention that that thrift store was Comp USA back in the day. He did not respond, so I was not sure he heard me. I mentioned it again. He started attacking me verbally. He is telling me that he hates it when I bring up businesses and what they used to be. He does not want to hear it and why didn’t I understand that that is what the silence was about? Seriously? These are your concerns in the world?
I mentioned it because he was engrossed in Facebook, as usual and I was trying to make conversation. He tells me that I repeat my stories all of the time. He does, as well.
So I go to my job and he waits in the car. I tell him off before I go in. I come out and go to the other one. There is a major retail chain near there that we both like, so I asked if he wanted to go in there or to go to dinner or something. He said we could. I am full of anxiety at this point. I am hoping he will apologize.
We eat dinner and go shopping. I take him back to his vehicle. He tells me that he is sorry for not feeling well. That was it. A day goes by and hear nothing. The next day I text him and tell him I am sorry that he is going through depression again and that I am here to listen. (I never get that from him). I tried to call. No answer. He texts me and tells me he is depressed because of us. He starts flipping out. I am still trying to be cordial. No dice. So I let him have it. He writes that he is sorry for all hurt he has caused. That was end. I told him that you don’t get to treat someone poorly because you are having a bad day, and just say “sorry”. He starts pushing marriage again.
I told him that had he really wanted that, he would have done his taxes like I asked him years ago. I even advised him to go in and file and extension this year. He did not. I pushed back and told him that that was my issue. He said now, taxes later. There is no way I am getting into debt for someone else.
He texts me yesterday and tells me that he loves me and wants to get married. I told him that I also loved him, but we can not work. I will come by and get my things from his home this coming weekend. So that is where we left off.
I need people to understand that he is rather strange person to begin with. No friends. Religion is important to him. (not to me, at all). He stays in his room all the time. He has roommates that he does not need, but he likes having people there. One lives off of him for free. He is anti social. Only really speaks when spoken to, if he cares for the subject. So there is a lot of other drama that goes along with that.
#BPDIsNoLongerMe, #BPD, #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder, #Love, #Awareness, #Controversy, #MentalHealth
Vintage Dava 