In today’s article, I’m empowering you with eight ways to make a narcissist respect you… forever. Are you ready? Let’s dive in.
Let’s face it, knowing how to make a narcissist respect you isn’t easy. If you’ve ever wondered to yourself or asked yourself the question, “how to make a narcissist respect me,” then this article is for you. The truth is, the only way to make a narcissist respect you might surprise you.
What I teach in this article will also apply if you want to know how to make a narcissist obsessed with you, how to make a narcissist miserable, how to make a narcissist miss you, or how to make a narcissist leave you alone. What I cannot teach you is how to make a narcissist love you or how to make a narcissist fear you. That, my friend, is beyond the scope of this article, and not in any way aligned with what I teach.
What you will learn, however, is the dramatic, positive effect of learning how to love and respect YOU more… and the effect that has on how the narcissist perceives you, and thus, how the narcissistic person behaves towards you in the narcissistic relationship.
Number 1: Own your frequency.
Take responsibility for and ownership of your vibrational frequency. Everything is energy and the energy you carry is everything. If you calibrate at a frequency that screams unsure, insecure, needy, fearful, hungry for love, validation, acceptance, and approval, you, my friend, are going to be a narcissist’s lunch. If however, you emanate the frequency of calm, grounded, self-assured, confident, filled from the inside with self-love, able to accept, validate, approve of, and respect yourself regardless of anyone else’s opinion, it’s clear that you need nothing from the narcissist. Get to that place and the whole game changes, I assure you.
Number 2: Hold your cards close to your chest.
If they know you’re onto them, look out. You will be a target. If you can keep that to yourself, while you work on an exit strategy, you’ll be much better off. Now, that’s a tough one, in particular for those of us who are highly empathic, because we don’t do phony, inauthentic, misaligned, or incongruent, and when we try or feel compelled to, it’s typically due to our own unresolved codependency issues, and as a result, we pay a very high price.
For example, we find ourselves struggling with anxiety and ultimately, some form of addictive compulsive behavior to cope with the stress brought on by living incongruently, inauthentically, and out of alignment with our soul’s truth. Being authentic and true to our core values is vital to living a peaceful, happy, healthy life. In the short term, play the game if it’s in your best interest to do so in small doses, but don’t kid yourself into thinking you can do this long-term. If you go that route, your soul won’t be happy and you will pay.
Number 3: Become bullet-proof.
Now, admittedly, this requires that you have some real healing and recovery under your belt, as it’s much easier to be bullet-proof in the face of a destructive narcissist and all of their antics when you’re not walking around with a ton of unresolved pain and trauma in your field. Do your healing and recovery work so you are stronger, more grounded, clear, and confident, more self-assured.
In addition, decide what you are and are not available for, and stick to your new standards, period. You set the standard in your life and a big part of this requires that you stop reacting to their nonsense, and of course, this takes practice, and again, having some healing and recovery under your belt. Practice using the gray rock method. It’s a powerful method and it works.
The bottom line is, do whatever you need to do to no longer be an appealing target or a source of narcissistic supply. That’s what I mean by becoming bulletproof. If you do your work, you can get there faster than you think.
Number 4: Present with a superior image or status.
Now, before you go taking what I’m about to say out of context, hear me. You don’t have to go through life like this. As an empath, you’re well aware that we all have inherent value and worth, and as such, you aren’t likely struggling with a superiority complex, in fact, the opposite is more likely to be true for you. But when it comes to commanding a narcissist’s respect, being somewhat standoffish, aloof, and genuinely confident can be really, really helpful.
Although this may very well trigger the narcissist’s pathological envy, let’s not forget that the narcissist needs people they perceive to be beneath them to target and project their fear, guilt, shame, contempt, and disdain onto, narcissists also love to be aligned with anyone whom they perceive to have influence or status of some sort. Anything or anyone they feel may enhance their own social status or bring them some recognition, even if only by osmosis, is going to command respect on some level with a narcissist.
And this is precisely why they do so much name-dropping and virtue-signaling at every opportunity. Being aligned with anyone who presents with a superior image or status is something the narcissist enjoys, unless and until their pathological envy is triggered, of course. But don’t kid yourself; this strategy can be very helpful when dealing with a destructive narcissist.
Number 5: Boundaries.
Keep your distance emotionally and otherwise. Do not share, overshare, attempt to bond in any way, expose yourself, or give them any ammunition they can later use against you. Less is more with these people, always, and whatever you do, never, ever show any weakness.
Number 6: Limited engagement.
Low doses, minimal contact, and maybe even ultimately, full-blown no contact if that’s what’s necessary and appropriate. Be prepared to calmly end conversations, especially when it’s clear that you’re not being heard or the narcissist is deliberately misunderstanding and therefore, misrepresenting you and your motives. Just stop, mid-sentence if you have to. When everything you’re saying is being twisted, disregarded, or ignored, while everything you’re not actually thinking, feeling, or saying is being assumed and taken for cash, it’s time to stop engaging.
When you find yourself engaged in this type of circular, mind-bending conversation that’s going nowhere, stop, and again, mid-sentence if you have to, and walk away. It’s okay to take care of yourself by allowing them limited access to you. You do not have to answer the phone because they call, reply to every email or text, answer your door if they show up on your doorstep, nor do you have to participate just because they call a meeting for that matter.
The calling a meeting is classic, by the way, often under the guise of working things out or talking things through, which is more likely going to be a vampiric fest where you A, have your vital life force energy drained from your very being and B, you’ll be accused of doing all the things, all manner of things you never actually did, and therefore, you’ll be compelled to defend yourself. Don’t go there.
In addition, you’ll likely be blamed for all the things, whatever has gone on, it’ll be all on you. And at the very least, you’ll leave feeling like your brain has been turned to scrambled eggs, and then it takes you three days to recover from the whole ordeal. So again, just don’t go there. Say no, thank you, and go live your life without all the extra nonsense and insanity. When people are genuine, that’s one thing, but when you know they aren’t by virtue of their behavior, their action, or inaction, never mind their words, words are easy, pay attention to their behavior.
Their action, as well as their inaction, will tell you everything you need to know. Remember, when dealing with a destructive narcissist, overt or covert, going no-contact is an act of self-love and extreme self-care, so give yourself permission to give yourself the gift whenever necessary.
Number 7: Develop self-agency.
Now, self-agency is defined as the capacity for individuals to act independently and of their own free will, making their own choices and decisions without influence or control from others. In other words, know your mind, trust yourself, and act accordingly. And people with this kind of healthy self-esteem live in alignment with their personal integrity, have strong boundaries, and are, therefore, less vulnerable to emotional manipulators, toxic bullies, and other types of predators.And the added benefit here is, this is where the line in the sand is drawn and you stop enabling the narcissist and their destructive attitudes and behavior. They won’t like it, but over time, they will respect you for it. Although they’d rather die than admit it, deep down, they’ll respect you for not being an easy target and standing still while enabling their bullshit.
Number 8: self-sovereignty, maintaining your personal sovereignty.
In other words, you don’t need the narcissist for anything, but maybe they need you or you have something they covet, want, or need. The point is, never allow yourself to be indebted to a narcissist for anything, and be careful here because you can easily inflict narcissistic injury by accidentally triggering the narcissist’s sense of rejection or abandonment. After all, who do you think you are to reject or abandon the narcissist, right? Now, if you’re anything like me, you won’t be the least bit phased by this or the inevitable smear campaign that ensues, and getting to this place will take some practice and some serious healing for sure, but you can get there.
The point is, narcissists are hungry for power, and in your absence, the only power they have over you is manipulating perceptions and poisoning the minds and hearts of others towards you, even that of children sadly, such is the depth of their insecurity, envy, bitterness, and resentment. And they justify all of this through their delusional belief that it’s disrespectful of you to not hang around and allow them to continue to criticize, diminish, demean, gossip about, and outright smear you, and fundamentally disrespect you on every level. So again, maintain your personal sovereignty at all costs. You don’t need them for anything.
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Vintage Dava 