by James Michael Sama
The people that everyone wants to be around.
Jene sais quoi: “A quality that cannot be described or named easily.” We’ve all met people who have it — that…thing that draws us to them, but we just cannot put our finger on what it is.
It’s a pull, a magnetism that makes you want to be in their presence. It doesn’t even have to be an intimate attraction, it’s just an energy that you enjoy being it. Perhaps it’s inspiring, or calming, or uplifting, or peaceful.
Whatever it is, you want more of it. You want to be around it more, and you want to learn how to exude it yourself so that you can live in that space as much as possible.
Irresistible people like this possess qualities, traits, and ways of living that draw us to them.
In this article, we’ll discuss some of these attributes to help you not only recognize more of these people to invite into your life — but to help you become one of them yourself.
1: They’re fully connected to the people and world around them.
Most of us are walking around sort of…half in, half out. We’re half paying attention, half looking at our phone. Half present, half wondering what we’re having for dinner. Half committed, half wondering what else is out there.
Sure, you think you’re doing a great job of hiding it…until you meet someone who is fully present in the moment. Someone who has no other interests besides what is immediately in front of them. Someone who’s inquisitive, who’s connected, who’s engaged with the people right in front of them.
The power of these people is that they make you feel seen, heard, and noticed. They’re not just smiling and nodding as you talk, but they’re actually absorbing what you say. They’re asking follow up questions. They’re right there, in the present moment, with you.
Those are people you remember.
Those are people who make everyone feel special.
Those are people that you want to be around all the time.
You’ll notice, too, when you stop dividing your attention and thoughts between multiple different stimuli at once, you’ll be able to slow down and ground yourself in the moment, as well. As a result, the people around you will notice that they’ve got your full attention, and will feel just as special as you did being on the receiving end.
Seemingly a simple task, but increasingly difficult in our over-stimulated society, which is exactly why it’s so memorable.
2: They pursue greatness in their craft.
Greatness means something different to everyone.
To some, it’s physical or athletic achievements.
To others, it’s building a large team or company that might change the world.
To others, it’s being a parent and raising a family.
To others still, it’s volunteering in a community, or traveling the world, or creating beautiful imagery.
It matters not what greatness means to you — but its very pursuit is, in itself, a magnetic and attractive endeavor.
Why is it that humans find entertainment in things like art, or sport, or music? Why is it that we are in awe of ancient architecture and structures that have stood for centuries? Why is it that we can sit for hours and listen to a symphony, or spend hundreds of dollars on a ticket to a show?
It’s because we are drawn to the idea of greatness. The pinnacle of a craft. The masterpiece one achieves by creating something that most never could.
People who pursue greatness are irresistible to be around because they inspire us. They show us what is possible. They illustrate the very potential of human existence right in front of our faces.
They don’t do it for the attention, they do it for the fulfillment of the achievement. The purpose behind it all.
3: They share the spotlight.
Before we go too far the road of “irresistible people are only in it for themselves,” let’s make something clear — people who are successful for the right reasons aren’t the selfish attention seekers that we may assume they are.
Sure, anyone can make money or climb the ladder by stepping over others, but there is no integrity or dignity in that.
The people we want to be around are the “join me at the top” people. The “I’ll get up there and then send the ladder down for you” people. The “let’s do this together” people.
Nobody wants to be around someone who’s always trying to prove how great they are, or “one-up” you, or convince you that they’re the best all of the time. That becomes exhausting, and is just plain selfish.
Everyone, though, wants to be with a person who understands there’s plenty of room at the top and encourages others to succeed, as well. Someone who is willing to share their skills and knowledge for the greater good. Someone who strives to bring value to others and who can pull them into the spotlight, not try to hog it all for themselves.
4: They focus on the good.
Be it a person, a place, an event, or a thing — it’s exhausting to be around someone who is always cynical, critical, or pessimistic.
“I’m just being realistic!” they’ll say.
Listen, I completely understand that not everything is sunshine and rainbows. There are challenges. There are flaws. There are tragedies. There are hard life events that we are handed by random chance.
In no way am I suggesting that irresistible people deny this reality, nor that they live in some shiny fantasy land removed from the real world.
What I am suggesting, is that they don’t harp on nor highlight the negatives when there is no real benefit to doing so.
In contrast, they seek out the good. The silver lining. The lesson. The “pocket of peace” (as my mother would call it) amidst the chaos.
These people are magnetic because they are a sort of pillar in the storm. They are able to cut through the fog and find the one shining light they can use the navigate.
While everyone else is watching the flames burn, they are the one searching for the extinguisher.
People like this make us feel hopeful, even in the darkest times.
Not only that — but they enhance and magnify the good times.
5: They have a calming and welcoming presence.
I don’t usually name names in my articles but I’ll take this moment to highlight a good friend whom I owe much to: Mr. Michael Fishman.
For nearly 30 years, Michael has been a leading advisor on marketing, positioning and sustained business growth to a range of consumer health businesses, supporting companies such as Rodale, Bulletproof, Vital Choice, Natural Health International, Reserveage, and Healthy Directions, as well as many of the leading personal brands who serve large online communities.
I, though, simply know him as a dear friend.
Let me tell you why I’m mentioning him specifically in this article:
Never in my life have I been around someone whose presence is so universally welcoming and peaceful. He is a man who consumes you with his hugs, and then his demeanor. He focuses all of his attention on others and is constantly showing up from a place of service, asking what he can do for you — never expecting anything in return.
He speaks nothing of his enormous professional accomplishments and (somehow) remains endlessly humble and grounded.
I have introduced many people to Michael over the years, and every single one of them has been enamored by his presence for the very same reasons.
Michael is the sole reason why I have found myself “at the table” (literally) with some of the world’s highest achievers. He is steady, consistent, and infallible, because he lives in full congruence with his values and beliefs.
Over the years, he has inspired me to become a better person simply by the way he shows up in the world, and I don’t believe there is a greater achievement than that.
6: They take full responsibility for their actions and their life.
Who would you rather be around:
Someone who’s highly successful but has become that way by pinning their losses on everyone else and inflating their own image?
Or, someone who’s still struggling to the top but holds themselves fully accountable for their challenges, their wins, their losses, and the outcome of their life?
We’ve all known (or even dated) people who refused to be wrong. Nothing could ever possibly be their fault — so of course, someone else needed to be blamed at all times.
You don’t need to be the person blamed to find this repelling — you just need to understand that a person like this can never truly be honest or genuine because they are crafting an image of themselves that doesn’t truly exist.
7: They treat everyone with equal respect.
Humans have always operated within a hierarchical structure, whether or not we like to admit it. This is found all over the animal kingdom, so we can stop feeling bad for ourselves about being discriminatory or harboring favoritism in some way.
However, a good person understands that no matter where biology, or economics, or culture, or physical ability put you within the “hierarchy,” there is one universal and infallible truth:
You are a human being, and as a result, you are worthy of respect.
Irresistible people don’t pick and choose who they’re kind to. They don’t ask “what’s in it for me?” they don’t consider the benefits or the downfalls of being good to people — they just…are, because it’s ingrained in their very identity.
8: They avoid frivolous small talk or gossip.
I once read a quote from Oscar Wilde that fundamentally changed my entire social demeanor.
The quote is this:
“Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative.”
Let’s consider for a moment what this means.
What’s the first thing most people bring up when small talk is calling?
“Hey, how about that weather, eh?”
“Sure is warm today!”
“We really needed that rain!”
And, frankly, forgettable.
After I read that quote I vowed to never resort to talking about the weather again, and I didn’t. It forced me to find new and creative things to bring up to people, to be more inquisitive, to speak with more intention and meaning.
Irresistible people aren’t that way because they do the same things that everyone else does. They surprise you. They speak with more depth. They change up the script.
That’s what draws us to them — the mystery and intrigue of something (and someone) different.
9: They smile.
Okay, hold up.
Every woman reading this just cracked her knuckles and headed to the comment section.
This is not me telling you to “smile more” in “that way.”
This article is for all genders and is focused on what draws us to people, and people to us.
The biological truth of the matter is that, as humans, we are drawn to people who smile and appear happy.
Men, women, children, hell — even animals who smile get more of our attention (Corgis, anyone?)
This is just the truth of the human experience, those who keep a straight or stern face do not come across as open, welcoming, or friendly.
Much more of just…”resistable,” if you ask me.
10: They are full, authentically, and genuinely THEMSELVES at all times.
I believe what makes someone truly irresistible to be around is that they’ve done the inner work to discover and create who they are at their core.
They have put in the time to reflect, to feel what is right for them, to define their values, beliefs, and worldviews.
They’ve stopped letting other people’s opinions dictate their decisions, and their life.
When they show up — you know what you’re getting.
You know who you’re getting, because they’re always the same person.
They’re not twisting themselves into a pretzel trying to impress other people.
They’re not lying to gain approval or popularity.
They’re not hiding in the corner from themselves.
They’ve walked through the fire and made the hard decisions. They’ve faced their imperfections head on. They’ve taken accountability for their mistakes.
Then…they’ve gotten up and improved.
They’ve worked on themselves.
They’ve stopped ignoring the things they want to change and taken action.
As a result, they have relentlessly crafted themselves into the person they’ve dreamed of becoming.
They have evolved deliberately and intentionally.
As a result, they’ve built too strong of a foundation to be changed or influenced by others.
They are their own person, standing on their own ground, marching to their own drummer.
In doing so, they inspire those around them to do the same.
Some will follow, others will branch off and find their beat, as well.
No matter how people respond to a person like this, the feeling about them will remain the same:
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10 Attributes Of Irresistible People | by James Michael Sama | Jan, 2023 | Medium